


Bruce Wayne Does Not Understand TikTok

by psychoroach



Category: Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychoroach/pseuds/psychoroach
Summary: I saw the gift giving challenge floating around TikTok (and YouTube) and had to do it in fic form.
Relationships: Diana (Wonder Woman)/Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	Bruce Wayne Does Not Understand TikTok

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if the voices are a little OOC, but I wanted them to be a little more carefree and lighthearted for this. 
> 
> Read, review, kudos!

Bruce made his way into the living room, clutching a mug of coffee to his bare chest even though it was only cold outside, not inside. He wore a pair of blood red pajama pants (a glutton for punishment some would say) and his feet were bare. "How did I let you two talk me into this again?" He asked, sitting down on one of the couches in the room. 

"It appealed to your love of spending money on people." Diana offered, a small smile on her face. She had on the top to the pajamas Bruce was wearing, unbuttoned, and nothing else. She sat beside him and took a sip of his coffee, making a face at how bitter it was.

The last of their trio came into the room, dressed similarly to Bruce, but his pajama pants cost a few hundred dollars less and was a soft blue and red flannel. "Oh I think it's going to be fun. Gives us insight on what we think of each other." Clark handed Diana one of the mugs he held, doctored up with seasonal creamer (ginger bread, her favorite) and sat on the other side of Diana and grinned at Bruce. "Doesn't that also appeal to you, Bruce?" He teased.

"Piss off and since the two of you are such comedians, I'm going first. Where'd you say you found this idea?" Bruce asked. "Facebook?" 

"No one uses Facebook anymore." Diana smiled. "It's TikTok." 

"That one. I'm starting with Clark. Favorite drink, I think is first." Bruce took another large sip of his coffee, ignoring how hot it still was. He put his mug down and wandered off, coming back with a large crate. He put it in front of Clark, who easily tore open the lid of the crate. He laughed when he saw the Red Crow Brewing Company logo.

"What did you do?" He asked, pawing through the beer in the crate. "All their different ones?" 

"It was a bitch to find them all, but I managed." Bruce shrugged. 

"Thank you, Bruce, this means a lot to me." Clark said sincerely. 

Bruce ignored the feeling of wanting to blush and grabbed the next thing. "Favorite snack." He said, holding out the box. 

"Henry's!" Clark beamed. "Oh I don't think you know what you've done." He said, tearing open the candy box and offering one to Diana. 

"It's a good thing you can't get fat." Bruce teased as he grabbed the next thing. "Something in your favorite color was tricky, but the talk I had with Martha was enlightening at least." He offered.

Clark peeked into the gift bag and had to fight the urge not to cry when he saw the Billy Reid Tuscumbia shirt, staring at the greenish grey material. "Just like the one dad had..." 

"Except to fit your massive shoulders." Bruce said, letting out a grunt when Clark stood and hugged him. "I'm glad you like it." He said sincerely, patting his back. He took a pen out of his pocket (UniBall Jet Stream Rollerball to be specific and held it up). "I struggled with the thing that reminds me of you, so this is a cop out..."

"Holy shit, this is a good pen though! I can't wait to take notes with it!" Clark took the pen and looked it over. 

"Awww you made Clark swear." Diana teased.

Clark flushed. "I swear." He said, sitting back down. 

"Another cop out." Bruce handed Clark the 'every day thing' package of underwear he got him. 

Clark flushed even more red. "These aren't going to fit me." 

"Care to prove it?" Diana teased. 

"Aww leave him alone, I'm afraid if he goes purple we'll see if a Kryptonian can pass out." Bruce chuckled, sitting down. He brandished a bottle of Ponzi Pino Gris and held it out to Diana. 

"Not my favorite, but if it wasn't so early in the morning I'd suggest opening it to try." She admitted, looking the bottle over.

"That's never stopped me before." Bruce muttered. He smirked roguishly when Diana gave him a look and disappeared from the room, coming back with brie and green olives. 

"Where were you keeping those? I was just at the fridge." Clark frowned, watching Diana cut a piece of the cheese to sample. 

"My safe in my office is temperature controlled." Bruce said simply.

"This is a very good cheese." Diana confessed. She smiled at Bruce. "I'm very impressed so far..." 

"I hope it continues." Bruce put a box on her lap after snatching the cheese plate and popping an olive in his mouth. 

Diana gasped when she saw the red Impera 100 Loubi Patent Leather shoes laying there. "Bruce! Oh..." 

"Let me." He bent in front of her and slid one of the shoes on her foot.

"Don't you think you're laying it on thick?" Clark rolled his eyes playfully. 

Diana playfully put her foot on Bruce's chest, taking note of the way his eyes darkened. "Now this means you'll have to take me to a gala to show them off." 

"I'll throw one." He said. "Some animal always needs saving." 

"Are you done?" Clark deadpanned. 

Bruce stood. "Not quite." He disappeared again and came back rolling an ergonomic kneeling chair. He held a pair of sculpting tools out to her as well. "Reminds me of you and is an every day item." 

"Dragonn by Vivo." Diana said, standing up. "I've heard these are very good chairs." She situated herself in it and smiled at the two men. "What do you think?" She asked, taking in their dumbstruck looks. 

"Perfect." Bruce blurted out, sitting quickly. "Clark it's your turn."

Clark shot him a look and got up. He found the drink he'd gotten Bruce and presented it to him. 

"The Alchemist Heady Topper." Bruce read the label. "Well that sounds suitably pretentious." 

"Exactly." Clark smirked, giving him a tin of caviar. 

"You're on a roll." Bruce grinned at him. Both knew Bruce preferred burgers as greasy as they came, but Clark couldn't help but tease him. "Have you ever had caviar, Clark?" 

"I haven't." He admitted.

"Go on." Bruce opened the tin and held it out. 

Clark scooped some up with his finger and popped it into his mouth, grimacing. "Salty." He mumbled, making Bruce laugh loudly. He ignored it and let Diana take a bite as he got up and went out of the room, pushing a massage chair in front of him.

"Osaki OS-4D Escape Massage Chair." Bruce said, looking it over.

"Of course you know the make." Diana said playfully.

"I was going to get one for myself." Bruce admitted. "But couldn't justify it." 

"Does a present justify it?" Clark asked, amused.

"Sure does." Bruce plopped down in the chair and started fiddling with it.

"Boys and their toys." Diana said, going back to the caviar. "Hell, may as well open the wine." 

"Atta gi...oh fuck." Bruce moaned and sank down in the chair. 

"Before you become a puddle..." Clark put a box in Bruce's lap with a manila folder on top. 

Bruce grabbed them and opened the folder, laughing out loud.

"What is it?" Diana asked, mock pouting. 

"Clark symbolically adopted a vampire bat." Bruce grinned, showing off the picture on top.

"He'll get sent updates monthly." Clark said, obviously proud of himself. "Her name is Pinkie." 

"I love her." Bruce handed Diana the folder and opened the box of amethyst Tigela bowls. "Oh wow, Clark, new cereal bowls." 

Clark whacked him. "Even I won't let you do that."

Bruce smiled and pulled him down to kiss him. "Thank you."

Diana playfully eyed Clark when he turned to her. "Should I be worried?" 

"Not quite." He handed her a box of strawberry Quik and a box of Anne's cheddar bunnies. "Because you said you get hungry at work." 

"You expect me to get milk?" Diana joked, even though it was obvious she was touched.

"All you have to do is text me, I'll bring a glass." Clark promised.

"Damn that was suave, apparently I don't need to give you lessons." Bruce said, laying back in his chair, eyes closed, the bowls clutched to his chest.

"I know your favorite color is maroon." Clark said, ignoring Bruce in favor of handing Diana an open front duster cardigan.

"Oh!" Diana took it and looked it over. "This is perfect for work when I need to act like I'm cold, oh it's beautiful Clark!" 

"I'm glad you like it." He said sincerely. He placed a small bunny statue in her hand. "Reminds me of you." 

"Why?" Diana asked, confused as she looked the statue over. 

"Inside joke." Clark kissed her temple and handed her a wrapped box. 

Diana raised an eyebrow and undid the ribbon. Inside was a green one piece lace halter teddy bodysuit.

Bruce groaned. "I'm going to die from all the blood moving from where it's supposed to be." 

"I'll have to see if it fits later." Diana said, looking it over with a smirk.

"That you will." Clark agreed, sitting down. 

Diana put it aside (for now) and got up to go to the kitchen. She took out a case of Pure Boost and put it by Bruce, who laughed. 

"I have to make sure you're getting enough protein somehow." She joked, kissing him and handing him a tin of pistachios. "Along with a healthy snack." 

"I eat beef jerky." Bruce joked. 

"I know, and it's disgusting." Diana snorted. She reached past him and handed him a folded up Carhartt washed twill relaxed fit work pant (in green). 

"Ooh look how fancy." Bruce looked them over. "I really like these, Di, thank you." 

"They'll go with this." Diana gave him a dark blue LL Bean sweater.

"I'm all set for my next meeting." Bruce kissed her. 

"Mostly." Diana agreed. She laughed as she handed him a geode bowl. "Clark and I had the same idea." 

"Can't have too many bowls?" Bruce offered, amused. 

"My turn?" Clark asked when Diana turned to look at him. She laughed and went out of the room, coming back with a six pack of Diet Dr. Pepper and cinnamon rolls. 

"Breakfast!" Bruce made grabby hands until Diana handed him a cinnamon roll. 

"I wondered what that smell was." Clark said. "Homemade?"

"Of course." Diana licked icing from her finger before she grabbed a pair of sturdy looking red gloves from a side table drawer and handed them to Clark. "For when you need to act human." 

Clark slipped one on and flexed his hand. "Perfect fit." 

"I hope these work as well." Diana gave him a case for his fake glasses and an honest to God pencil sharpener.

Clark snickered. "I'm sure I'll get some use from them." He promised.

Bruce cleared his throat. "So how about we finish the cinnamon rolls and coffee and go back to bed? Diana has lingerie to try on and Clark gets to pretend his hips won't fit into those underwear." 

"I'm telling you, they won't." Clark said as Diana sat down in his lap and they continued to have fun together and have 'breakfast' before going to the bedroom again, where they spent a good portion of the day before they emerged for dinner (despite Bruce trying to say they could just fill up on caviar and snacks).


End file.
